happy birthday ktb

To the pretty girl in the white dress, happy birthday. Graduation, wedding, moved to Texas, first job. What a changing year it's been for you, but every year has felt that way in our twenties. So glad not to be alone in it. Glad you have a good man to experience daily life and big moments.

No matter how we change or where we are, I'm always here for you. Rooting for good, great things in your life. Love you, Katie.

(photo by Alicia Wines Photography)

this week

This week Mark and Lauren visited, and it was amazing to fill up our time with Princeton, Jersey, and NYC. I've talked about them before, and we just love them. Excited for where God is leading them to Denver, but not looking forward to another goodbye cry. Trying my best to be thankful for this week, believing it was enough, our time together, it was so fun. Jersey Shore (beach walks, sting ray, maybe sunburns, spotting Situation, Deena & Sam), Princeton favorites (croissants, art museum, record store, Hoagie Haven), and NYC (Museum of Natural History, yummy Thai, walking Brooklyn Bridge).

I'm not even going to go into it. It requires too much energy and emotion to discuss preparing to move from New Jersey. In a week, we will have moved back to Indiana. Absolutely bittersweet, not ready to say goodbye to awesome friends, but blessed to have a few months with family.

It's good and it's hard and it's worth it. We wouldn't change where we've been. We can't imagine not moving forward, feeling encouraged and affirmed where God is leading. For not just us, but for Mark and Lauren and our neighbors, for our families, I pray and hope for you too.

on my mind

Oh no, it's here already. First family of the final five to move out of 305. These are our little helpers, too precious. Moving all our stuff will be tiring, but saying goodbye is going to break my heart. We've loved this place.

just phoebe

You've met her before, another afternoon with Phoebe.

And can we talk about that Sleeping at Last song? Those lyrics give me chills. 

blueberry

Two days ago, the thought and smell of food made my stomach queasy. I'm unsure if it was a one day stomach flu, but I felt awful. Monday felt like forever. Yesterday was better, but still off. This morning, I woke up with an appetite and free of a headache. I made smitten kitchen's blueberry muffins to share with my husband and then with my neighbors.

weekend fun

This weekend was fun with beautiful weather and so many celebrations. I spent time skyping with my family on Saturday since it was my dad's birthday. At the same time, I made apple pie for my neighbor's birthday party. I should have taken more photos. It was "Downton Abbey" themed. Funny for many reasons, my neighbor's name is Abby. She lives downstairs. Her and her husband Scott decorated the doors with Mary and Matthew peeping from the side, and they filled their wall frames with different characters: Bates, O'Brien, Countess of Grantham, Daisy, and Thomas (ew, gross).

I should mention that Scott is who pushed us to watch Downton. Then it became a routine, we watched most of season two with Abby and Scott after weekly Monday dinners. We just love them. They're good people, really good friends. I've written about our friendship before, so thankful to find friends that we easily can laugh and pray together. Abby is such a special friend, so thankful for her honesty and courage, such a blessing to my life.

I'm so thankful for the weekend, even if it was quick, it was restful and fun, filled with friends.

court in the city

My friend Courtney is a good person, a great person, the best kind of person. I could brag about her all day from how much she reads to how much she loves her crazy adolescents she counsels to being the most efficient and caring card sender I know. It would take days to tell you how much Courtney has been there for me these past five years. She's a good person and a good friend.

And she came to see me in New Jersey. Seriously, that plane ticket is not cheap from Michigan. She didn't even think twice about it. We had so much fun, and ate so much, seriously, we ate the whole time. That's pretty much my tour of Princeton, all my favorite tea, ice cream and food places.

We went into the city where we ate amazing french food with another Courtney (!), saw Jimmy Fallon (!!!), explored NYC Public Library, hung out in Grand Central Station, and walked the Brooklyn Bridge.

We had much needed conversation, even with my cluttered head and sleep deprived body. We talked about good and hard things, about the future and possibilities. And I'm so excited for Courtney and how God is using her to love her kids (I love how she describes them, "Emilie, they're just naughty"). Her heart is too big for her body, and she loves them, wants change and the best for them. She loves other well, really well. Thanks for visiting, Court, and thanks for being my friend, love you much.

together

This morning was spent with good friends. Hard questions and conversation. It's cloudy and gray outside, almost reflecting our feelings. Hurt and grief, waiting and unknown, wrestling with what has happened or is happening. We spent our time together trying to describe and understand. I'm glad for moments like these where we can share, not that it immediately makes everything better, but at least we are together.

As we asked each other, "What do you need right now? How can we be there for you?" I liked how my friend responded something like this, "People ask me how I'm doing today. I'm not sure I know in this moment. I know this season is hard. I think in a year I'll look back and know how I was feeling. Maybe ask me how I was yesterday. "

Time. Healing takes time. Joy and pain coexist. It's important to experience it, to not hide from hardship. That in itself doesn't necessarily make it easier. It's still hard. I've spent the rest of my morning thinking about my friends and our conversation. I certainly do not have immediate answers. Only promises.

To my two friends, I promise to be there for you, to ask you what you need. When you need to talk, I will listen.  When you need silence, I will be quiet. When you need to talk but don't know what to talk about, I will ask questions. When you need distractions, we will get ice cream or watch movies and crochet or take a walk. When you need hope, I will encourage. I promise to pray for you. I am praying for strength to face this season. For comfort and peace when it doesn't make sense. For hope and healing in the midst of hurting. I love you when life is good and hard. If you let me, I will be there for you. If you don't let me, I'll probably keep calling and texting, knocking on your door. Trying to love you with food. Hope that's okay. Love you, friends.

"I remember that the answers aren't necessarily as important as the questions and the company, and that if we do find answers, we'll find them together." (Shauna Niequist from her book Bittersweet)

homemade latte & friendship

At brunch a few weeks ago, my neighbor Abby made me this yummy latte with her cute little Italian espresso maker. On Sunday before work, I asked her if I could pay her rather than Starbucks for a latte. Girl, I was covered: three shots of espresso and lots of foam. She wouldn't take my pay. She is too sweet.

Last night, we had our usual Monday dinner together. Scott and Abby provided the most amazing Pad Thai, unbelievably better than the closest Thai restaurant. Afterward, Abby showed me how to make espresso and made Logan an Americano. We're hooked. We already ordered our own espresso maker and milk frother (coming Thursday). Logan said coffee in New Zealand is mostly espresso based. We getting ready.

Once again, I must say. I really love my neighbors. It's been incredible to share life together these past few months. There are certain friendships that run deep. Our other amazing close couple best friends Mark and Lauren describe it best as a heart connection. Sometimes you find people who share share similar interests and humor but also similar passion and purpose, easily finding yourself in funny and serious conversations. I was afraid we wouldn't find that in New Jersey with being here for such a short time. But praise God, He has blessed us with such good neighbors. I wasn't necessarily ready for it when I came. I wanted to hold on to my old friends pretty tightly and was uncertain about opening up. God has taught me it's important to invest in relationships wherever I am for however long. Not for myself, but to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually present to others.

Perhaps, the trickier part is the process of desiring this for my friends that I've moved away from and no longer share physical closeness. Selfishly, I want them to like me more than new friends. But that isn't fair or healthy, obviously. It's taken time, but with God's help, I pray they find more heart connections possibly deeper than what we shared. That is really hard. Life changes and moving breaks your heart, but thankfully, if we seek love first from God, he pours out even more of His love to give us and share with new friends.

And so, I've found this balance of continuing to pray for old friends, writing letters, phone calls, but also being present to new heart connections and sharing life. For those who read this and are struggling with deep relationships (especially couples), I encourage you to ask your friends how you can pray for them and to pray together. This simple act creates such opportunity for vulnerability and growth. It's amazing how the Spirit of God can bring you together. I still remember the first time Logan, Mark, Lauren, and I prayed together. It was the beginning of incredibly life changing decisions for all of us. In the moment, we had an inkling. Those prayers initiated a season of waiting and listening to God's voice and slowly made way for promises, calling, and dreams. This summer, Mark and Lauren are moving to Colorado to plant a church in Denver while Logan and I head to Christchurch, New Zealand, to help with The Well. I just think that's neat and God is so good.

my friend katelyn

First, can we talk about this 60 degree weather in Jersey? Live it up.

And next, more importantly and excitingly, I purchased my bridesmaid dress for ktb's wedding. I'll wait to share the dress until we have the works. You know, wedding photos next July with that pretty little bride and us lady friends who are like her flowers that hold flowers, looking at her and smiling, adoring her smitten face.

I can't wait.

Did I mention after the bride's yes to the dress the second confirmation... dress on sale. Glad that Katelyn is a good reason to buy an Anthro dress because I haven't ever had a real excuse. Yeah, she's worth it. I miss this girl.

extrovert

Spent my entire afternoon, five hours at least, on a couch with Bethany and Mike. Talking, sharing, remembering. This is when I know without a doubt, I am absolutely completely an extrovert, encouraged and inspired by friends, catching up and being together, no need to leave the house or do anything. It's better than tea and cookies. It fills me.

engagement & lemon bars

Made this lemon bar recipe for our recently engaged friends. Its intense, literally you use the entire lemon, peel and all. And note, why didn't I register for a 8x8 glass pan? Hello, cake pan, lemon bar cake, wait no bars, lemon cake.

Really excited for Jonathan and Mariesa. Congrats, friends.

phoebe

This is my neighbor Phoebe. We hang out sometimes.

halloween

I didn't dress up for Halloween growing up. That's the disadvantage of living in the country with only three neighbors on a two mile road. The closest I came to "trick or treating" involved walking to my grandparents, no costumes, asking for the usual sweets (Little Debbie nutty bars).

Halloween at CRW is better than the movies. Sitting on our front lawn, drinking hot cocoa and cider, entertained by really cute dressed up little people, eating lots of candy... a lot of candy. Spiderman, Mario, Harry Potter, Princesses. Such a fun night spent with my neighbors. I loved it.

Since Abby and I don't have kids, we take photos with our neighbor Phoebe. We're a little obsessed.

Happy Halloween!

happy surprise

 Today is my friend Lauren's birthday. Lauren and I have a special friendship. I saved Lauren from being the only girl at Shepherd-Hoffman Pizza Hut outings. She became my first friend from Taylor. We both connected through our husbands who already were friends, but luckily, we like each other as if we found one another on our own terms. We have the best conversations over coffee about anything and everything (you know, like high school, work, college, our husbands, our hopes). But most importantly, we share a deep desire to be transformed more into God's image and have seen how He moves in each of our lives. I can't imagine life without her (especially after this past year). She is such a giver and cares way too much for people. It's pretty inspiring. This girl deserves a lot so together her husband Mark, Logan and I (well, really, my mother-in-law helped a lot, too - thanks, Karen!) threw her a surprise birthday party on Sunday involving lots of dessert, a couple rounds of playing celebrity, assembling wedding programs (she's gaining a sister-in-law next weekend), boys entertaining the girls by merely being boys (Kan Jam and fishing), and So You Think You Can Dance episodes. Summer birthdays are the best.

But seriously, Lauren, you are loved. Can't believe you've only been in my life for three years. Happy birthday!