wellington

I went to Wellington last week. Headed up on Thursday with Jamie for training to co-facilitate a grief group that the church will be offering. There's so much in my head. Challenged but encouraged. Nervous and empowered. Still sorting through personal reflection of the course.

What I was reminded:

1. I really like learning. I really miss it. I like research and theories complimented with group discussions. I like where it puts my mind, how it increases my focus, and pushes me to act in some way.

2. I really care about people. I really care about people's relationships with other people, the ability to process through the type of relationships they have, the type of life they're pursuing. I care a lot about those things.

I don't think I am unique in that. There's plethora of jobs, positions, and systems that focus on this. That's neat, too. A lot of people in the world caring about other people and their life experiences and relationships. I'm simply amazed how much that also matters to God, for us to be learning and loving. I'm glad that the more He draws me to himself that those are the kind of things that happen.

christmas twenty twelve

Merry Christmas from the Hoffmans. May your day be filled with joy and hope as we remember the birth of a Savior.

"We saw his star when it rose & have come to worship him." (Matthew 2:2)

quick week

Last week flew. Hard to believe we were in Auckland a week ago. Such fun to meet our church family on the north island. Tears saying goodbye to the PAC team. This week flew. Experienced my first show day on Friday.  It's like the state fair without deep fried oreos and elephant ears but with wood chopping and sheep sheering.

Yesterday was spent in my favorite greenhouse. Loving these reject orchids, which we shared at a market, inviting strangers to church. "Can I have a pink one for my husband's grave?" she asked. To comfort with a simple stem, but wanting to do more. Desperately wanting to hear her story, to love through listening, and share God's love for her. Who knows, maybe we'll get another chance. As for tonight, I pray for hope and stirring of hearts. For all the people with orchids in their homes that they might find life.

beginnings

Remembering all the prayers for this church. Realizing the journeys that led these individuals to this moment. Reflecting over a month ago the uncertainty of when this service would happen. To find a place, to plan and organize, to meet and invite.

God is neat. I love how he intertwines stories and dreams, hopes and hearts. Connecting us to him and each other. His provision, his calling. Humbled he could use us, inviting us into his story for the world, desires us to be agents of his grace. Thankful for those who came, excited for them.

To be able to look back at how he has come before and to find comfort that he will remain throughout the unknown, celebrations, any bumps and fears. Praying he is glorified, nothing of our own strength, but testimony of his Spirit that unifies us.

life & preview service

Busy and full week getting ready for our first preview service.

We've had those moments of worry, anxiety, fear. I'm okay with that, as long as we don't stay there. Trying to trust, reminding myself that whoever comes, whatever happens, it is enough. God does not look for performance, he looks at our hearts and acts of faith. Is there more to do? Maybe, probably. We will learn after Sunday and continue growing in who God wants this church to be and how to love others where they are.

Love others where they are.

I've experienced this at work this week. Spent time with a patient, metal detector strapped around his ankle, struggling with the things he cannot change and the things he can change. Trying to stop drinking for his son, to give him a better life. A long phone conversation with a patient who is burdened by her trauma, hurt by the church, struggling to know what she has caused and what has been done to her. "I've decided God is not loving, how can he be loving with what's going on right now?"

I am silent. Spirit, be here. God can handle their doubt. Wait, be patient. Everything does not have to be fixed in this moment. Walk with them.

I want them to experience hope and peace. I want them to be free.

addison hope

I need to share this beautiful moment that happened while home for Christmas. This tiny bundle of light and blessing.

My childhood best friend, her husband and their daughter brought this little one into their family the Tuesday before Christmas. As I watched Breanna through this difficult pregnancy, she taught me physical and emotional surrender to God. With each unknown as she carried her, Breanna prayed and opened her hands.

Before you were born, Addison, you were given to God. You have been prayed for by your family and friends. We are so thankful you're here. We know that not all pregnancies end this hopeful. You remind us that life is a blessing. When I look at you, I realize all who enter the world are fragile and beautiful. Addison is not more special than any other baby born, no, she is exactly like every baby created in that she is special. I want to look at others the way that I see you. Full of hope and a testimony of God's grace.

You are a gift.

this year

I'm not great at new year's resolutions, and that's okay. As two thousand eleven came to a close, Advent became such a time to listen to God's voice. We reflected this past year and began the anticipation of the next. Rather than resolutions, I am focusing on these promises, praying God allows them to be themes for this next year, reminding me of his plans, to be my hope.  

1. Live in Freedom
To not live out of fear, obligation, or worry. Unfortunately, fear causes me to constantly predict the negative responses of others and forces me to live in the assumed negative uncertainty of what will happen (cognitive behavioral therapy calls this fortune telling). Fear is when I refuse to ask (not confront) about the condition of my relationships with others and God. Rather than allowing uncertainty to guide my steps, teach me to rest in your freedom, God. The peace you give us, allowing your Spirit to discern when it is appropriate to act or wait, to listen or speak.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
- Psalm 56:3-4

One of the most pervasive emotions in the atmosphere around us is fear. People are afraid -- afraid of inner feelings, afraid of other people, and also afraid of the future. Fearful people have a hard time waiting, because when we are afraid we want to get away from where we are. But if we cannot flee, we may fight instead. Many of our destructive acts come from the fear that something harmful will be done to us. And if we take a broader perspective -- that not only individuals but whole communities and nations might be afraid of being harmed -- we can understand how hard it is to wait and how tempting it is to act. Here are the roots of a "first strike" approach to others. People who live in a a world of fear are more likely to make aggressive, hostile, destructive responses than people who are not so frightened. The more afraid we are, the harder waiting becomes.

2. Actively Wait
This past year was waiting replaced with more waiting. At times, I waited poorly, focusing on the outcomes, discouraging me from the transformation that comes with waiting, becoming more of a certain person. This is what Advent reminded me, waiting is preparation. God is active in waiting. It is not passive. God is at work.

My soul is waiting for the Lord. 
I count on his word. 
My soul is belonging for the Lord 
more than a watchman for daybreak. 
Because with the Lord there is 
mercy and fullness of redemption. 
- Psalm 130:5-7

For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something... But what is the nature of waiting? What is the practice of waiting? How are they waiting and how are we called to wait with them?